During the hectic night of mail processing at the post office where I work, a number of letters fell off an elevator conveyor belt and scattered on the floor. Before the area supervisor had a chance to pick the, up,the facility manager. Who had the reputation for being stern, came upon the scene. “Why is this mail on the floor?!” he demanded angrily. With the hesitation the supervisor replied, “Gravity, sir.”
“Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
“If you are obsess-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.”
“You are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2,”
“If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5 and 6.”
“If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.”
“If you are schizophrenics, listen carefully and little voice will tell you which number to press.”
“If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press . No one will answer.”
“Determined to take it with when died, a very rich man prayed until finally the Lord gave in. There was one condition: he could bring one suitcase of his wealth. The rich man decided to fill the case with gold bullion.
The day came when God called him home. St. Peter greeted him, but told him he couldn't bring his suitcase . “oh, but I have an agreement with God,” the man explained.
“That's unusual,” said St.Peter. Mind if I take a look?” The man opened the suitcase to reveal the shining gold bullion.
St. Peter was amazed. “Why in the world would you bring a pavement?''